“When you make a commitment to something, or someone… In the end, even if you didn’t get what you wanted… You know you have lived; you have given a purpose in your life.”—Mr. Ronald Galinato, our English teacher (via ccabs)
i have given all i have, now it’s time for me to take a greater step in life.
i love my mom, but sometimes, we fought too much. so much that staying apart from one another would have been better a better option than being together. i want to move out far away, to study abroad, any place so that this relationship between us won’t crumble even further. the more im in her presence the more we argue. nothing we do can make us agree upon, there’s always something that is in the way, even the smallest thing. i want to move away for if i stay i’ll hurt her, i can’t stop myself. i don’t want to hurt her. i tried.
i miss my brother. i miss my dad. so much. nothing will ever be the same again.
when i was 12, i used to think life was perfect. it was, i couldn’t ask for anything better. happiest moment of my life when we’re all together as one.
but things happened, and nothing can reverse back time.
left me in broken pieces.
i was raised in a family whose parents work 24/7. every since young, there was always a nanny. they came back at 10, passed by bedtime, and left early in the morning. i was raised as a child without sense of belongingness. i felt lonely. maybe it’s because of this, that i seek myself for someone who i can trust. who i can share feelings with and know that they’ll always be there for me when i needed. i seek for alternatives when i know my parents can’t offer that to me. maybe that’s why i’m so sensitive about everything.
when i was young, the only person who i look up to was my brother. he was my shining star, and he still is. everything he does, i followed. i was born a follower, raised a follower, and is a follower. i have no personality of my own. and it’s so hard for me to make friends. i don’t know how to communicate in ways that others do. i’m not shy, i just don’t have anything to say. truth is, i used to cry so much alone in my room. i had no one that i could call true friends. there were times when suicide thoughts appeared, but i was not brave enough, and it’s just plain stupid. & yes, i’m emo for emotional. i wonder if i have psychological disorder, but maybe it’s just an act. i don’t know.
i’m a troubled kid, and i realized that. i have anger management problem that i can’t control.
today, i had a fight with my mom. but at the end of the day, i knew at heart that i would sacrifice myself for her and it’s not just a saying. i’m ready. no matter what happened.
we’ve gone through worst together, and we’ll go through till end.
what i’m saying here is that i may have gone through terrible things, but for one thing i appreciated from life, is that i’m a fighter. i am not going to give up. i may break physically and psychologically, but i’ll rise up once again.
i’m not going to stop here, this is not my destination.
i was swimming in pain with this song, but i’m better now.